As the only person I know that utterly despises anything "Star Wars"-related (except for the "Rogue Leader" shooters on Nintendo consoles) I found myself surprisingly entertained last May by the digital mayhem that was George Lucas’ latest chapter in his blockbuster series of outer-space science fiction soap operas, "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones." Since I’ve never cared or given a damn about any of the characters in these movies I was able to sleep during the lengthy set-up scenes (it was 6:30AM when I caught a May 16th digital screening) and then be blow-away clean by the mind-bending display of special visual and audio effects. Since 99.5% of the human population actually cares more about these characters than I ever will there’s a disconnect between my review and every other review being done by grown men/women that have idolized and worshipped this series since their youth.
Consider this the cynic’s point of view about "Episode II," the thoughts of someone that judges this DVD more for what it has (technical achievements galore!) than by what it doesn’t (likable characters, coherent plot, an ounce of intelligence, etc.). Besides, any movie in which limbs and heads are freely detached from their bodies while the movie retains a kid-friendly ‘PG’ rating from the MPAA is further proof that we’re living in a double-standard society. One in which death and violence are more acceptable and in which the "Star Wars" movies play by a different set of rules, yet sexuality is punished by unwarranted ‘R’ and ‘NC-17’ ratings. I mean, is "Attack of the Clones" really that much different than Paul Verhoeven's "Starship Troopers"? Both, after all, go a little crazy with the beheading and dismemberment schtick.
But I digress. The internal struggles and romantic interludes of Padawan Jedi-in-training Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) with Naboo Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) are front and center throughout "Attack of the Clones." They share equal on-screen time with the more interesting detective-like exploration by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) of the sinister forces that are pushing the Republic to the brink of war by commissioning (at the behest of, but without the knowledge of, The Jedi Council) an army of clone warriors from the folks over at planet Kamino. These clones are being made to the likeness of bounty hunter Jango Fett (Temuera Morrison), who in turn is working for mysterious Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) who may or may not be in cahoots with Darth Sidious as the puppet master behind the Senate’s approval of the secretly-assembled army. When all hell breaks loose at Planet Geonosis the heroes arrive, and led by Jedi Masters Yoda (Frank Oz) and Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson), the armies of clones and droids engage in the first of what will eventually become the infamous Clone Wars.
The juvenile antics from "The Phantom Menace" have been toned-down considerably. The offending characters from that movie are either replaced with better actors (no Jake Lloyd, hooray!), allowed to expand their range (Portman is no longer shackled by kabuki-like make-up) or given token background roles (JarJar Binks as a Senator?). The special effects and battles that should have been in "Episode I" are finally unleashed at full-throttle this time around, but more on that later. The story mirrors "The Empire Strikes Back's" dark and moody atmosphere, with the dark side of the Force beginning to manifest itself in more sinister ways.
For hardcore "Star Wars" fanatics that dig the series’ storyline and characters the best moments in "Attack of the Clones" don't come during the 32 seconds in which Yoda displays his dormant light saber fighting skills in a light saber battle against Count Dooku (Ch.46), or gazillions of soldiers unleash bloodless mayhem on each other (Chapters 40-48). No, these dedicated followers of George Lucas’ universe will giggle like little girls when young Anakin's mean streak fully emerges while trying to save his imprisoned mother in Tatooine (Ch.32). Here young Skywalker unleashes the fury of his light saber against innocent relatives of the bad guys that harmed his motyher (off camera), and on another he spills his guts with tears in his eyes while talking to Amidala in the kitchen of the home that will one day see their offspring Luke Skywalker grow-up (Ch.34). These infrequent and fleeting moments were good-enough to make even me, a "Star Wars" hater, sit-up and take notice of these rare glimpses of humanity and emotion in a movie that doesn't have much of either.
Hard as he might be trying though, George Lucas just can't seem to direct human beings as well as he does make-believe CG characters. The Lucas of the early 70's gave us in "American Graffiti" (and, to a much lesser extent, the original "Star Wars") exposed and vulnerable young people that wore their emotions in their sleeves. In Natalie Portman's Padme Amidala and Hayden Christensen's Anakin Skywalker Lucas has given us better-looking actors to portray those same emotions, but the results are laughable. Portman’s a gorgeous woman that can be a good actress when given the right role ("Leon: The Professional," "Beautiful Girls," "Heat," etc.), but Lucas' direction has shackled her into an attractive figure-head character with all the on-screen passion and believability of an accountant preparing a quarterly statement. Christensen's performance when he isn't swinging the light saber or being angry (at himself, Obi-Wan or everyone else) is also predictable and somewhat banal, especially his clumsy passes and puke-inducing romantic dialogue with Portman for a good 60-65 minutes of a 142 min. long movie (ouch!) that slows to a crawl whenever he and his significant other are on-screen.
It's sad when a movie centered on the growing romantic attachment between its two leads is constantly upstages them with superior supporting performances from actors that are more in tune with pulp serial acting style (like Ian McDiarmid's portrayal of Senator Palpatine). Thank God (if he/she/it existed a long time ago in this far-away galaxy) that Ewan McGregor's bearded Obi-Wan Kenobi, Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu, Frank Oz's Yoda (through a CG effect) and an army of Jedi warriors are also on-screen to swing their light sabers and kick ass. "Attack of the Clones" picks it up a notch when Obi-Wan fights Jango Fett in Kamino (Ch.26) about an hour after a thrill-a-second car chase straight out of "The Fifth Element" through the city of Coruscant (Ch.7). Too bad Christopher Lee's Count Dooku wasn’t been given the Darth Maul treatment and proper foreshadowing though; he doesn't appear on-camera until 75 min. into the movie (Ch.31) and is only in it intermittently for 20 minutes or so. Since he's made-up to be such a powerful Jedi warrior (the trainer of Liam Neeson's character in "The Phantom Menace") I was hoping his encounter with Yoda would be as exciting in its storyline implications as it is just a cool sight to see (even if it only lasts 32 seconds).
But who cares what purpose "Episode II: Attack of the Clones" serves when it explodes on-screen, delivering the thrills and excitement that were sorely missing from "Episode I: The Phantom Menace"? Finally, a "Star Wars" movie that capitalizes on the technology of the day to create the sort of massive, intergalactic epic battles cinematic dreams are made of. All (digital) hell breaks loose in the last stretch of the movie, with a series of "Gladiator" and "Saving Private Ryan"-type war and action sequences that will make also make giggling girl out of even the most jaded of cinematic cynics (it sure did with yours truly, a non-believer). Lucas has been for the past 25 years a motion picture man clearly in love with the technology at his disposal more than with ANY characters or human emotions, so these action scenes rock! Too bad John Williams phones his ‘Across The Stars’ musical score this time around. It's sad when the only memorable tune in the entire film is a quick fanfare from 'Duel of the Faiths' ("Episode I's" theme) while Anakin cruises Tatooine at high speeds looking for her mother (Ch.30).
The Disc:
Disc 1 holds the movie and, for a flick shot entirely with digital cameras, "Episode II" doesn’t look that much different from recent live-action sci-fi moves (or as sharp as digitally-animated movies like Fox's "Titan A.E.") except for its intentional overexposure during many conversation scenes (like the Jedi Council meeting in Ch.9) and its reliance on digital sets. I saw "Attack of the Clones" twice in the same NYC digital cinema for optimal viewing conditions, and both times I felt the picture looked overexposed and a little bit compressed. The DVD’s Widescreen Anamorphic (2:35:1) Video Transfer retains this overexposed look, and if you really nitpick it to death you can see some minute compression artifacts (like the wall behind Yoda in Ch.48) here and there. For the most part the picture is solid though, without edge enhancements or film flaws to complain about because... well, there aren’t any! You'll be hard-pressed to notice any flaws during the numerous action sequences when so much cool special effect muscle is being flexed in front of your eyes.
The universe of "Star Wars" sound effects, understandable dialogue (English or alien) and John Williams’ score (uninvolving as it is) are simply overwhelming and to die for when listened to on the DVD’s English Dolby Digital 5.1 EX Track (Spanish & French Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround Soundtracks are also included). The second-long pauses and absolute silence before Jango Fett’s bombs detonate when he’s chasing Obi-Wan through the asteroid belt explode (Ch.28) are perhaps the best use of silence to accentuate a remarkable aural trick to ever appear on a movie. It’s just one of dozens (hundreds) of instances in which the sounds of "Episode II" keep up, and even surpass, the majestic spectacle of lights, shapes, colors and pictures overwhelming the senses. Come next March I’ll be writing angry letters to the Academy if Ben Burtt and his team of audio engineers don’t win an Oscar for their excellent contribution to "Attack of the Clones."
English Subtitles are also included in Disc 1, along with a Feature-Length Audio Commentary whose reliance on technical jargon and infatuation with special effects will be instantly familiar to those of us that heard a similar cacophony of thoughts in the DVD of "The Phantom Menace." George Lucas (writer/director/Star Wars GOD extraordinaire), Rick McCallum (producer), Ben Burtt (editor/sound designer), Rob Coleman (ILM Animation Director), Pablo Helman, John Knoll and Ben Snow (ILM visual effects supervisors) were recorded separately or in small groups, and their thoughts never cease to call attention to how much everything that’s on the movie never existed beyond the constraint of a super computer hard drive. There are a couple of brief moments of humor and pathos though, not the least of which is Lucas his own self answering the questions posed by Kevin Smith’s indie flick "Clerks" about the Death Star (Ch.44, 121 min. and 30 sec. into the movie)!
This commentary track is only the tip of an iceberg of special features, most of which are contained in the second disc of this Two-Disc set. The highlight of the second disc are the ’From Puppets to Pixels: Digital Characters in Episode II’ (52:19 min.) and ’State of the Art: The Previsualization of Episode II’ Documentaries (23:27 min.), which go into exhaustive behind-the-scene detail about how the amazing special effects of the movie came to be. By clicking on the Dex’s Kitchen option viewers can access a 3:30 min. ’Episode II Visual Effects Breakdown’ Clip that complements the visual effects documentaries, as well as an interesting 26 min. ’Films Are Not Released; They Escape’ Sound Documentary that does likewise for the movie’s impressive special sound effects. Who ever knew looping lines of dialogue between California and Australia, or cooking rapidly-degraded audio reels, could be made interesting-enough to merit their own documentary?
Since we’re in the Dex’s Kitchen section we might as well mention to Still Galleries just around the corner. Here we find 85 behind-the-scenes Production Photos exclusive to this DVD, 30 One-Sheet Posters in as many languages and 13 International Outdoor Campaign pieces of artwork. There are also 12 Web Documentaries (each about 6 min. in length) that were posted on the official "Star Wars" website over the months and years prior to "Episode II’s" theatrical release, three promotional Featurettes (‘Story,’ ‘Love’ & ‘Action,’ each approx. 9 min.) and a stupid ’R2-D2: Beneath the Dome’ Mockumentary Trailer (6:02 min.) that tries to be cute and utterly fails at being funny (unless you’re a "Star Wars" fan; for these folks the thing’s probably hysterical). If placed on a DVD-ROM compatible computer Disc II also allows for access to special sections of starwars.com as well as other internet-related venues.
If you care to view them there are also 12 TV Spots, Four Theatrical Trailers and a 4:32 min. ’Across the Stars’ Music Video that totally fails to measure-up to the ‘Duel of the Faiths’ music video from "Episode I." Last but not least, and just as in the "Episode I" DVD, there are Eight Deleted Scenes (With or W/O Intro) that were finalized with their appropriate special effects exclusively for "Episode II’s" DVD. Six of them deal with the Padme Amidala character, so I guess even George Lucas was smart-enough to remove her from as much of "Attack of the Clones" as possible. The only things missing (or well-hidden as Easter eggs) that would make this the perfect DVD package are outtakes, casting sessions and Cast/Crew Bios.
bottom line:
Not since Paul Verhoeven’s "Starship Troopers" has the sight of intergalactic warfare on this massive a scale been seen (including ‘PG’ rated beheadings, for Goodness’ sake!). Except for scenes between Christensen and Portman (which are awful), "Episode II: Attack of the Clones" is the best "Star Wars" movie this non-believer has ever experienced because of its reliance on technical wizardry over coherent story-telling (which come across wonderfully on a digital media like DVD). I smiled and drooled like a medieval druid watching AND listening as armies of robots and aliens shot/bombed/blasted each other in glorious digital mayhem, not caring or giving a rat’s ass who they were or why they were doing it. Let the agonizing wait for "Episode III" begin!
By - J.M. Vargas
1/2
