After a six year absence from the big screen since last appearing in 1989’s mediocre "Halloween 5," Michael Myers came back to cinematic active duty in 1995’s "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers." Notice that Myers’ new home, Dimension Films, chose to stop numbering this and the two subsequent "Halloween" sequels (1998’s "Halloween H2O" and 2002’s "Halloween: Resurrection"). Whether or not it’s important that this is the 6th installment in the long-running horror series is meaningless, since writer Daniel Farrands and director Joe Chappelle utterly fail to take this flick anywhere real fast. From the knee-deep hole in which Myers’ often hinted-at connections with a demonic force that keeps him alive to the performances by everyone involved, "The Curse of Michael Myers" is the worst "Halloween" movie ever made.

Remember Jamie Lloyd, Michael’s niece from "Halloween 4" and "Halloween 5"? As this movie gets underway she’s a grown woman giving birth to a baby in what appears to be a basement of some sort; the infant is immediately taken into some form of ritualistic Satanic ceremony, where a symbol (just like the one in Myers’ hand) is carved on his chest. Then Jamie and her baby are helped to escape by a generous nurse, whose head is promptly nailed to a wall by a vigilant Myers that quickly sets after the escaped duo. Jamie avoids Michael long-enough to hide the baby in a bus station’s bathroom (!), which is where Tommy Doyle (Paul Stephen Rudd) finds him the following morning after hearing Jamie’s desperate pleads for help on the Barry Simms radio show. Fans of the original "Halloween" will remember Tommy as the young kid under the care of Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis’ character). Now Tommy’s a grown man with a keen interest on the surviving Strode relatives that have moved into the house next door: asshole patriarch John (Bradford Enlgish), passive matriarch Debora (Kim Darby), horny son Tim (Keith Bogart) and out-of-wedlock-mother Kara (Marianne Hagan) with his little bastard son Danny (Devin Gardner).

Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence in his final appearance in the role he reprised five times) is still kicking around in his retirement, but he is brought back into the hunt for Michael Myers when Jamie Lloyd’s body is discovered and Tommy Doyle comes to him with the deceased woman’s baby. Loomis’ friend and colleague, Dr. Wymm (Mitchell Ryan), is also instrumental in pushing the elder doctor into approaching the Strode family and warning them of the impending doom they’re in. What follows has more in common with Martin Sheen’s 1988 occult flick "The Believers" than with your typical slasher-on-the-loose situations (which are still present and accounted for). Kara’s young son begins hearing voices that tell him to do the sort of nasty deed young Michael perpetrated on his sister back in ’78. Signs like the one in Michael’s wrist and the baby’s chest are etched on fire in different areas around Haddonfield. One by one the Strode family members are killed by Myers, with foul-mouthed and hot-tempered father John conclusively proving what we all knew since fifth grade science class: pump enough electricity into a guy’s body and his head will explode (!).

By trying to explore the demonic mystery of Michael Myers’ past (which indirectly explains the presence of the black-dressed character that wondered around without explanation in "Halloween 5") the filmmakers drive "The Curse of Michael Myers" even deeper into mysticism and satanic nonsense that they don’t have a clue how to interpret or use to their advantage. The movie tosses a lot of ideas into the air (who’s the father of Jamie Lloyd’s baby?; why does Myers go mental in the hospital at the end of the movie killing everybody in the operating room?; has Loomis been brainwashed when he helps Kara, Tommy, Danny and the baby escape at the end of the movie?; etc.) and then abandons them without explanation. It’s a mess, and a flick edited in such a flashy and cutaway-conscious way that it isn’t even gory, scary or inventive-enough to made me muster the snickering "MST3K"-type of humor I use to survive bad horror flicks.

Thank God Myers (using his patented ability to be in two places at once) kills radio talk show host Barry Simms (Leo Geter) before he goes through with his pledge to broadcast his show from Michael’s house. Had the character done just that the premise for "Halloween: Resurrection" would have been out the proverbial window. Wait a minute, what am I saying? If this character had gotten away with his intention there would not have been a "Halloween: Resurrection" flick to suffer through this year! Arghhh, damn you "Curse of Michael Myers."

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