The countless horror movies based on Stephen King-authored books that have sucked the most are the one's that concentrate on cheap scares at the expense of character development. "Graveyard Shift," "Salem's Lot," "Pet Semetary" (my co-worker Michael is looking at me disapprovingly as I tear one of his favorite horror flicks a new one), "Cujo," "Silver Bullet," "Dreamcatcher" (sorry Brian!) and "The Lawnmower Man" come to mind. The horror flicks (or TV mini-series as of late) that have worked best are the one's that retain the human vulnerability of King's characters (leads as well as supporting one's), then proceeds to juxtapose those vulnerabilities with the fantastic horror elements that creep into the characters' mundane reality. "Carrie," "Misery," "It," "Children of the Corn" and "Christine" easily come to mind, with "Christine" being one of the few horror novels in King's repertoire of fiction to feature a non-living entity as its leading protagonist.

Unlike the run-amok trailers and cars in "Maximum Overdrive" though, the 1958 red & white Plymouth Fury in "Christine" isn't a soulless and mindless killing machine. It isn't until thugs and creeps start messing with the shape of her chassis and the well-being of her new owner that a mean, lean and deadly side of the otherwise-inanimate vehicle emerges. When we first meet Christine at the Detroit assembly line that gave her (it?) birth she's a cocky and hot ride that suffocates to death the worker that dared touch her before she was even allowed to roll off the line. When we meet Christine 20 years later she's a dilapidated piece of junk sitting for sale in some old man's backyard. Her exterior beauty faded and her wild days long gone, Christine's still attractive enough to entice Rockbridge High nerdy teen Arnie Cunningham (Keith Gordon) to buy her on the spot. To the surprise of Arnie's best friend Dennis (John Stockwell) and his disapproving parents, Christine becomes the center of attention for the once-meek Arnie. The energy, dedication and love (yes, love!) that Arnie dedicates to his new car even gives Arnie the confidence to ask the school's pretty new transfer student, Leigh (Alexandra Paul), out on a date.

Bad idea to get another woman between Arnie and Christine... literally. After nearly suffocating Arnie's girl at a drive-in movie and being reduced yet again to the junkyard pile by some school bullies that have it in for her owner (led by William Ostrander's Buddy) a new Christine emerges. The intense passion between rebellious teen and his first car fuels in Christine the amazing ability to reverse the film and put herself back together! On a more serious note though, Christine is able to track down the pesky humans that have offended her (and/or Arnie) and have her deadly ways with them. These include Darnell (Robert Prosky), owner of the distant garage where Arnie is forced to store Christine every night because of his parents' disapproval of Arnie's girl (what do parents know about love anyway?). They might include Detective Rudolph Jenkins (Harry Dean Stanton), the officer investigating the mysterious deaths of the thugs and bullies that once abused Arnie and Christine. And, if they're not careful and watch their back, Arnie's friends Dennis and Leigh might also fall victim to Christine's fits of jealous rage; these two, after all, are planning to eliminate Christine from the picture (literally and figuratively) so they can try to save what little rationality still exists inside Arnie Cunningham's infatuated heart.

As someone that recently stopped being friends with the only person patient-enough to have put up with my crap for the past ten years (i.e. my College buddy Rich) over a feud about yours truly's infatuation with a television show that I treasure above most else (Nickelodeon's "The Secret World of Alex Mack") "Christine" is a cinematic conundrum I can relate to. It hits an aspect of horror filmmaking that is rarely exposed (the downward spiral of materialistic obsession), juxtaposes it with one done to death (the rebel teen on a self-destructive path) and presents the proceedings with very little on-screen violence or gore. If it were made today with all four-letter swear words removed from the script "Christine" would easily earn a PG-13 rating. The no-name cast of helpless teens (or, in Keith Gordon's case, grown men pretending to be teens) and clueless parents only highlights the fact that the '58 Plymouth Fury Arnie owns is alive, self-awareness and able to experience the same murderous emotions that would overcome any jealous, fickle lover that isn't thinking right. You know, like most young men (i.e. Ashton Kushner) smitten by the affection of an older woman that understands and satisfies their ego (i.e. Demi Moore).

In the assured hands of John Carpenter ("Halloween," "Escape from New York," "In the Mouth of Madness," etc.) the movie transcends the biggest obstacle "Christine" the book faced when migrating to the big screen: believability. It's easy to buy that Herbie (from Disney's "Love Bug" fame) or K.I.T.T. ("Knight Rider") are living vehicles because the magic of movies and TV allowed these cars to perform fantastic feats. Same with "Christine" (how does a burned-to-death vehicle recover its charred paint job and upholstery?), but the moody music and excellent cinematography already convey the strong presence that Christine infuses around those that come into her path. The absence of any logical (or fantastic) explanation about why Christine is the way she is only serves to heighten the movie's worth as escapist horror fantasy. Horror that, unlike the countless hatchet jobs by Jason or the visibly-sliced bodies of Freddy Krueger's victims, is meant to be experienced by the downward spiral the Arnie Cunningham character goes through because of her blind love toward an inanimate object.

Mmmphh, sad to say this but yours truly kind-of knows how poor Arnie must have felt when everyone was telling him how idiotic it was to love an inanimate object (an abstract figure of non-existent beauty): alone in the world. Just like Christine. And me. And "The Secret World of Alex Mack." Oh well, life is short. "Carrie" on I guess! :-)